Collected Tanka, Akitsu Ei, translated by Miyuki Aoyama and Leza Lowitz. 44 pages in two parts at "AHA Books Online" Akitsu Ei is a Japanese feminist who wants women “to have an independent and dignified life like that of the famous ancient poet Princess Nukada (c. 659 – 672).”Akitsu Ei writes in the traditional 7th century form – the tanka, a five line poem with a syllable count of 5,7,5,7,7. The tanka in the 7th century was usually about love or pining for the absent beloved. Akitsu Ei certainly does not limit herself to that narrow view of love. She expands the view of love to include sex, commentary on sex roles, and a breaking from traditional Japanese feminine cultural mores. She is crude, often, rather than traditionally elegant, more like the mad poets who wrote kyoka or comic tanka in the early 19th century. Because these poems are translations, a reviewer must deal with the nature of that beast as well as the poetry. Over the years I’ve read a great deal of Japanese poetry – 99 per cent of it in translation. The translations are often in need of rewriting to make them understandable to readers in another culture. Difficult, but what’s a translator for? Robert Bly set out eight stages of translation: first the literal version; second the problems involved in determining meaning; third, the word order or syntax; fourth, putting the poem into the American idiom; fifth the tone; sixth the sound and rhythm; seventh, research and consultation with a native speaker; and eighth, the final draft. In many of Akitsu Ei’s tanka, it seems as if the poem has only reached the early stages of the translation process. For example, the opening tanka: I came across the time when the persimmon trees sprouted buds – green leaves seem impure in the spring . Interesting, but something is missing. However, what makes it difficult to write a review is that further on there’s a fantastic translation – clear, idiomatic reaching the 8th stage: #11 with eyes like insects: a girl with windblown hair on a sand hill. Here’s an example of a problem in syntax or word order involving a misplaced modifier: #20 Squatting in a toilet, chilled at daybreak, a spring skylark, soars up, chirping. “I” is not looked upon highly in Japanese poetry, but without it the bird is the one squatting in the toilet. Concerned with showing the two disparate elements – high and the low, the translators neglected to see what the poem meant in English. In other places the “I” is used and in the correct position: : #40 Oh, your eyes and your penis grow senile! I wish they would become mine immediately now. Even with the redundancy of the “immediately now” the poem is interesting. #54 Staying inside from the perpetually blowing wind and raindrops coming down – my desire inflames for a seat on the bus. This sounds like the first draft. It needs to make a transition from the awkward literal translation into the American idiom. Sometimes this horrible editorial force comes over me – I want to circle words and draw arrows – with just a few nudges the poem could work so much better. Let me say now, I love Akitsu Ei’s work. She has an individual way of seeing the world, her ideas are sharp and mean, funny, lovey-dovey, sexy, ironic, everything you could want in a poet, however, these translations often sound as if they were written by a non-native speaker. And the lapses certainly weren’t to keep the syllable count of the original tanka form. But every once in a while, the translation is right and a wonderful poem breaks through – sensuous, feminist, feminine, appealing and sounding as if it were meant to be in English: #70 After a baby’s sucking – how impudent and fierce nipples become! #126 Your bones sinking into the roots of a tangerine tree. When it bears fruit I will eat you, I will. Please don’t let my comments about the awkward translations keep you from reading and enjoying Akitsu Ei and other Japanese poetry. I would go as far as suggesting that you participate in the translation process by pushing these drafts toward their final form. I also highly recommend the ahapoetry.com site. It is a wonderful collection of information on and examples of Japanese poetry. Helen Ruggieri Home